Man. The past 2 months has been an absolute whirlwind of excitement, stress, and heart openings.
This past weekend I was at a workshop/retreat led by my chiropractor Dr. Joe Dispenza. Now, Dr. Joe is NOT your average chiropractor. In fact, he is probably one of the farthest things from "average" that I can think of (alongside Mariska).
I found Dr. Joe through my team in Colorado who was helping me with my pain. Through a series of crazy coincidences (or maybe not coincidences), I started seeing Dr. Joe at his clinic in Olympia.
For those of you who have known me for a while, you will know of my chronic pain that I've had since 2009. What most of you don't know is the way that it nearly destroyed me. I don't talk about it much, bceause I don't like to focus on it, and I'm still fearful that by thinking of it, it will come back. But, I feel the need to really illustrate where I came from and where I am today.
In 2009 I was at the beginning, but height, of my lifting career. I was crazy good. I only competed twice and my second meet I qualified for every single national meet the US held. I was a junior lifter, but was qualifying for senior meets.
I never got to compete in any of them.
My pain started the day after my last meet in 2009. At first I thought it was just an injury that would get better. It didn't. For those of you who saw me in 2011, my pain progressed to the point where I could not even turn my head from side to side. I was a shell of my former athletic self. You couldn't touch a single point on my mid back up, neck, and shoulders/rotator cuff without having me cry out in pain. I didn't want to live any more. I had no life, and I believed I had no future. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through.
Adding on top of the physical pain were multiple emotional traumas in the form of abuse, sexual assaults and breakups Each time an emotional trauma occurred, it became locked in my physical body.
Late 2011 is when the changes started. Coincidences happened, and I was put in front of people who could help me. Who DID help me. The end of this experience was marked by my treatment team in Colorado, and subsequently Dr. Joe.
Dr. Joe has his chiropractic business, but his true focus is on change. Change on a quantum level. He has multiple books, documentaries, and studies that chronicle his experience with changing your life from the atomic/quantum level. i was fascinated with his book that I read. Not only that, but things started happening for me. My body began to come alive again. I began to do things again that I haven't done in year. I did a handstand for the first time since 2009. Miracles were happening.
His premise is based on quantum mechanics. I won't go into the details because they will probably bore the majority of you, but the principle that underlies all of life is that atoms are made up of 99.9999999....% energy and .000000....1% matter. so most of existence is energy. Within the atom, electrons exist in a cloud of possibility ie, they could show up at any particular area in this cloud. Within his teachings he builds on this principle that since everything is energy, different things happen in life/diseases occur as a result of this energy. And that chance can occur if we can change the energy of something.
Take for example an optimist vs. pessimist. Ever notice that an optimist tends to get less sick than a pessimist?
Or, have you noticed that if you focus really hard on something that you DON'T want -- it'll happen? Or, on the contrary, if you focus on something that you do want -- it'll happen?
The things outlined in his book have explained a lot of the events that have occurred in my life. Physical injuries, emotional traaumas ... things that are too great to be considered coincidences.
But, all of this was in his book.
This weekend was spent refining techniques in his book and learning more meditations. We spent a great majority of the weekend meditating. And one thing I kept hearing him say was, "Open your heart ..." do this and "open you heart ..." etc. And I was taken back to the gala and the heart openings that occurred there. At the JHF, they use it as an expression. But, what if, like Dr. Joe was saying, it really truly was energetic? That heart openings were truly energetic in principle?
One of the things we did yesterday, our last day, was the blessing of the energy centers. Namely, the blessing of the chakras. All we did was direct loving energy towards these centers. And something very strange happened to me. At 2 of the centers I was BAWLING when I was directing loving energy towards them. Like sobbing. The 2 centers? The one located in the pelvic floor and the one located at the throat. If you are a survivor of sexual assault -- can you understand? The pelvic floor and the throat (your voice) ... I was floored.
After this, I was reminded of something that had been in the back of my mind for the last few months, and interaction I had with Dr. Joe about 2 separate events the past few months. The first was around March. I was dating a guy (the first since my ex broke up with me and since my assault), and I was very happy. I walked into Dr. Joe's clinic and waited for him to come into the room. He walked into my room and as he was adjusting me said to me and his assistant, Dana, "SOMEONE'S been doing a lot of kissing!" I turned BRIGHT red and laughed and he just kept going. I was lost for words (Dr. Joe is hilarious, by the way) and turned to Dana and said, "How did he know ...?" And she just shrugged and laughed. So, either I was an open book, or Dr. Joe is VERY good at reading people (or, both?).
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. This was a Wednesday, and I had had a conversation with someone the night before on the phone that was incredibly difficult, heavy, but had given me an enormous amount of strength, courage, and power. I felt POWERFUL. So I walked into the exam room and waited for him. A few min later he came into adjust me and he said, "Uh oh, who's the boyfriend?" I looked at him and said, "There's no guy!" He didn't believe me, but I assured him there wasn't. It went further. I told him that I had a realization that whereas I wasn't where I wanted to be physically, I could do SO much more than the average person, and I was so grateful for that. He took a sharpie and wrote on a white board and dated it: "6/13 Rachel is aware of her greatness."
He then went on to say, "If there's no love interest -- then you are TOTALLY in love with yourself and your life." And I now realize the power of that -- that that one energy center had profoundly opened the night before, and that I was at the place where I could truly appreciate where I was.
I had a flare up after that (currently in one). But with a big hug from Dr. Joe and faith from him that I'm changing -- I believe more than ever that I will be ok.